In the front Yard of a Funeral Home

In the front yard
of a funeral home,
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a nonsmoking area, "If we see
you smoking, we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate
action."
On a maternity room door, "Push,
Push, Push."
On a front door, "Everyone on the
premises is a vegetarian except the
dog."
At an optometrist's office, "If you
don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window, "We
really know our stuff."
On a butcher's window, "Let me
meat your needs."
On a fence, "Salesmen welcome.
Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership, "The best way
to get back on your feet -- miss a
car payment."
Outside a muffler shop, "No
appointment necessary. We'll hear
you coming."
On a desk in a reception room, "We
shoot every 3rd salesman, and the
2nd one just left."
In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be
back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"
On the side of a garbage truck,
"We've got what it takes to take
what you've got." (Burglars please
copy.)
In a restaurant window, "Don't
stand there and be hungry, come in
and get fed up."
Inside a bowling alley, "Please be
quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to
eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat
any place they want."

In the front yard
of a funeral home