60 above

60 above - Floridians wear coats,
gloves, and wooly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above - New Yorkers try to turn
on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above - Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the
windows down.

32 above - Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above - Californians shiver
uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last
cookout before it gets cold.
15 above - New York landlords
finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a
sweatshirt.

0 degrees - Californians fly away to
Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and
throw on a light jacket over the
sweatshirt.

20 below - People in Miami cease to
exist.
Chicago people get out their winter
coats.

40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling
cookies door to door.

60 below - Polar bears begin to
evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone
"Winter Survival" classes until it gets
cold enough.

80 below - Mount St. Helen's
freezes.
Chicago people rent some videos.

100 below - Santa Claus abandons
the North Pole.
Chicago people get frustrated when
they can't thaw the keg.

297 below - Microbial life survives
on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers
with cold hands.

460 below - ALL atomic motion
stops.
Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold
'nuff for ya??"

500 below - Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World
Series.


Gemma Piscotti -
Chicago - IL - USA.